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Before you do anything, and I mean anything else, you need to cut contact with the person. This is less a step and more of a critically important prerequisite. Remove phone numbers, discard contact information, pictures, and anything else directly connected with them.

Over time, the mind has a way of settling itself if you allow it to focus in on the pain. Next, stop fantasizing. Maybe things could work out this time, if such and such was different. This process is your brain trying to keep you away from the pain again. Be present for these feelings so that you maintain clarity. Eventually, that band-aid will come off.

The only way to heal is to be with what is reality and move on, so stop fantasizing.

Now is when you really begin to dig deep and get to the heart of the issue. Whatever happened has left an internal wound that needs to be sewn up.

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And, to do that, you need to practice forgiveness. Stay strong and stay true to who you are and know that you will get through this. Thank you for taking the time to connect and to share some of your story.

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Jennifer sounds an incredibly wise and insightful woman and what a beautiful response from you Karen. I love this Hey Sigmund community. Wow…love this article…. Thank you for posting this. I am in the middle of a break-up and this article and a few others here have helped me. So pleased you found Hey Sigmund. Hope you can find more of what you need here to keep you moving forward.

Much love and strength to you. This article came at the right time. My husband is neither abusive, narcissistic or bad at all. He is a great man. I am a great woman. Thank you for this article.

How to Let Go of Things from the Past

I hope you are able to find the clarity you are after to make the best decision for you. This is a fabulous article. I had to let go of a family member and was shamed by others for my decision to do so. Others do not see this and I have lost a few friends along the way. Yes we certainly did have some good times but we also had times filled with drama and upset. We all deserve a happy and fulfilling life. Thank you Karen. My husband of 20 years came home a month ago and declared he no longer loved me and that he was leaving. He was moved out six days later.

I am sad beyond words and cycling through all the emotions in this article. I just never thought this would be me. I think this may be a very healthy community for me at this time in my life. Thank you for being here. It sounds as though. The gap between an ending and a new beginning can be excruciating — I really understand that — but know that you will always be stronger, wiser and braver than you think you are.

In the meantime I hope you can find comfort and belonging here. Much love and strength to you and your children. How long does this process take. I know I need to let someone go they wont talk to me they feel off the face of the planet. But I have know them for 12 years and I felt so real how can it be so easy for them to pretend I do t exsist.

The process takes as long as it needs to take and will be different for everyone. I believe that everyone comes into our lives to teach us or to learn from us. When this process is finished, the pain can be excruciating because it feels so personal. Not everyone will be on the same path, so not everyone who comes into our lives is meant to stay. What it means is that the growth and the reason for your being together has come to an end.

I know how painful that it when the other person feels that ending before you do. The heart, body and mind will hang on for a long time because it feels so right and so familiar, kind of like an addiction. It can be the same for the loss of any relationship, not just an intimate one. Part of letting go means appreciating what the relationship gave you, and seeing its ending not as a personal rejection, but as a readying for the next phase of your life — new learnings, people, opportunities. Know that there will be a happier version of you to come.

I want him to be more like someone else that I know but it will never happen.

How to Let Go: Learning to Deal with Loss | Mark Manson

All he wants to do is raise kids and work his job everyday where as I want to go out and learn about new things and see new things and meet new ppl and still raise my children. He just wants to sit at home. Thank you for sharing your story. I wish you all the very best moving forward. I am so glad I have found this site. I have been left by my fiance of 6 years.

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I have never loved someone so closely and openly as I did him. He was my world and he knew it. We had many ups and downs along the road, but he confessed to me every day how he would be with me for the long haul and never ever leave me. I loved him for everything that he was.

Infact, I found very little flaws in him…he was perfect for me. Then he left. I was completely devastated. I ended up in a psyche hospital over it and he came back. So I told him he should leave. That is what he wanted to hear and left right away. He replaced me within a few weeks and told me he was getting married to her.

Now after a year, I am still mourning for him. How long will this process take? It sounds as though the last year has been such a painful one. I wish I knew how to make things better for you. You did the right thing letting him go. He was on a different path to you and there is nothing more lonely than being with something who is trying to let go and move in a different direction — not because of you or who you are, but because of where you are both at.

It will take as long as it needs to for you to start being able to imagine and create happiness without him. You can do that and you will. A breakup is an emotional and physical withdrawal — it takes time. You are adjusting to a different kind of normal, but this is difficult because it sounds as though you are still hanging on so tightly to the old one. I really understand that, but there is love and happiness waiting to find you when you are able to be open to it. I got slightly intimate with my past partner and even by following these steps I still feel attached.

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I got over my last exes easy and we are still great friends…so why is this any different? Breaking up with someone activates the same part of the brain that deals with withdrawal from any addiction. The best way to move on from any relationship is to have a period of no contact so you can help yourself to mentally, physically and emotionally withdraw from that person.

That is very interesting Karen and explains a lot to me. I split from a sibling a few years ago with no contact and then had contact and there was definitely a feeling of almost euphoria. But this did not last long and the old unresolved issues resurfaced. What stops me every single time is the vulnerability of it all…and honestly some of my own gaslighting. I feel crazy for knowing I need to end relationships with so many close relatives…my mom, my inlaws, etc. But my brain has a hard time justifying the release of people so close.

Yes I completely understand how hard it is to let go of people close to you. The key is how you feel in these relationships. If you have stood back and opened your heart and your mind to anything you might be doing that is contributing to the problem, and have made an effort to be the best you can be in these relationships, then that is all you can do. If these relationships still diminish you, then that is what you need to take notice of. All important relationships wire themselves into us in some way, and letting go will always be difficult, but this will pass eventually.

Listen to your gut and your own intuition on this. It then got very dark. But that was the point where I had to trust my loved ones and therapist that it is OK to grieve and founder and doubt and scream but not to have to do anything about it. Then I was free. Overall I am very happy in myself and with my ex. Our son is happy.

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It was, simply said, the right thing to do, despite the pain. Hi this is such an incredible article.. Just what I neeeed to move on. I printed it out and will read daily so I can move with focus and to a new pure direction. I hope it continues to give you the strength and clarity you need to keep moving forward. My partner for 15 years told me, literally out of the blue, that he had fallen in love with another woman.

He was the love of my life, I would have never expected that. He left the house that same day that was easy because our relationship was mostly long-distance, so we had kept our respective apartments. Day have been the worst of my life no sleep, no food, feeling cold and trembling all day. Today I have discovered your blog, and these articles are the first thing that makes me feel better. Now I know that I am going through a sort of illness, and my body is recovering from an addiction; but I know I will be stronger at the end.

Breakups are awful and the way yours happened is such a painful thing for anyone to go through. You will get through this and when you will heal — stronger for the breaks. I can surely relate to this article. I am going through that right now. We broke up in In , he apologized then went right back to treating me as if he does not know me. Yes, the pain and hurt took me down for almost 2.

He made it so hard for me at work. These types of events leave us with wounds that are carved deep into our souls and can be much more challenging to overcome than your seventh grade love. The human spirit has the capacity to overcome almost anything. It might take a lot of time, help from professionals, and deep soulful work on our part.

But healing from these types of wounds can be the most transformative and powerful things we do in our lives. Neither is letting go the same as moving on without doing the work or simply forgetting about an important life-changing event or experience. Begin the practice of letting by noticing the small ways in which you let attachment create unhappiness in your life. Learning to let go of the things that are not serving you will free up energy and resources and you will begin to reap the benefits of a grateful, joyful life. Woman walking on the beach image via Shutterstock.

Paula Stephens, M. She is studying to become endorsed as a Buddhist Chaplain and currently works as a volunteer chaplain and yoga teacher at a jail near her home in Denver, Colorado. This site is not intended to provide and does not constitute medical, legal, or other professional advice. The content on Tiny Buddha is designed to support, not replace, medical or psychiatric treatment. Please seek professional care if you believe you may have a condition.

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