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One way or another, erotic peaks always reveal secrets about our idiosyncracies, conflicts, and unresolved emotional wounds. More often than not, people fear that if their innermost experiences of arousal are revealed they will be pronounced abnormal. For one thing, relatively few clients were as open about their eroticism as Fred and Sabrina.
In addition, most clients who did explore their peak experiences were impatient to get back to the problems that had brought them to therapy in the first place. I became keenly aware of both the advantages and the limitations of therapy as a means of investigating eroticism. I was eager to expand my work by studying peak erotic experiences in a totally different way. The survey asks anonymous respondents to write in detail about especially arousing and memorable encounters and fantasies, as well as their ideas about what made these events so thrilling.
My challenge would be to analyze the content of their stories and comments and look for recurring themes and patterns. So I distributed many of the surveys in undergraduate-and graduate-level human sexuality classes, where self-exploration is a part of the learning. Interested students mailed completed surveys directly to me—not to their instructors.
Also, a number of professional and social organizations took an interest in this project and invited their members to participate. Whenever I spoke in seminars and workshops, I always mentioned the SES and had a stack of them available. Collectively, they described memorable encounters and favorite fantasies, for a total of more than 1, peak erotic events.
Compared to the tens of thousands of respondents who regularly respond to questionnaires in popular magazines, these are obviously small numbers. But the SES is not a typical survey because of the depth of self-disclosure it requests. Instead of learning a little bit about thousands of people, I preferred to learn a great deal about a few hundred.
Fortunately, The Group is as diverse as I had hoped. Although I created the SES to help answer questions that matter to me, from the beginning I wanted the survey to give something back to the respondents. To get the most out of this book, I invite you to contemplate the same questions that I asked The Group. Consider responding to the entire SES before reading any further to be sure your answers are completely spontaneous.
Once you complete the SES you might wish to send me your answers without your name, of course so that I can expand my research to a larger population. That decision, clearly, is completely up to you and can be made at any time. If the SES seems a bit daunting just now, an alternative is to take it one step at a time.
Start with two key questions about your most memorable real-life encounters: 1. Think back over ah your sexual encounters with other people. Allow your mind to focus on two specific encounters that were among the most arousing of your entire life. Describe each of them in as much detail as you wish.
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What are your ideas about what made each of these encounters so exciting? Keep in mind that peak encounters are not necessarily dramatic or sensational. Sometimes the best ones are remarkably simple. Nor is it necessary for peak encounters to include intercourse—or any particular sexual act. Feel free to recollect as many as you wish. Starting a journal also allows you to reread your comments as your self- discovery deepens; perhaps later you will see them in a new light.
Please keep in mind that any writing you do in the SES or your journal must be for your eyes only. Your writing will touch on a host of possible topics you might want to discuss with someone when the time is right. Such intimate exchanges can be extremely useful and fulfilling.
But by keeping the writing itself private, you will avoid subtle inhibitions that can cause you to hold back, perhaps without even realizing it. Sexual fantasies take an infinite variety of forms, and each individual has his or her unique patterns and preferences. Fantasies spring from the depths of your erotic mind and are invaluable sources of information, which is why I included questions about them in the SES. Others fantasize primarily about exciting events that actually occurred in the past, perhaps with a few embellishments. Another common form of fantasy is imagining sexual possibilities you hope might happen one day—as when you daydream about a sexy stranger whom you pass each day on the way to work.
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If you grant yourself the freedom to do so, you can enjoy, within the sanctuary of your mind, fantasy scenarios that you would never want to experience in reality. At the most basic level, many people are confused about what, exactly, a fantasy is, so I included this statement in the SES: An erotic fantasy is an image, thought, or feeling within your mind that is sexually interesting to you. Some people think of fantasy as a sexual daydream. Maybe it turns you on just a little bit—so little that you hardly notice. Or maybe it turns you on a great deal. Sexual fantasies may or may not make your body become aroused.
A fantasy can be triggered by something you actually see or hear for example, an attractive person or an erotic picture or story or it can just pop into your mind out of the blue. People have many different kinds of sexual fantasies, and some people say they have none at all. A fantasy may be a simple or elaborate story—perhaps based on a past experience, a hoped-for encounter, or a totally imaginary scene. I ask that you pay close attention to your fantasies and how they help to turn you on—even if you think your fantasies are boring, silly, or uninteresting.
Remember that a fantasy does not have to be a big production in order to be important. Based on everything you know about your sexuality, describe the fantasy that would be the very most likely to arouse you. What are your ideas about what makes this fantasy so exciting? Although the SES asks you to focus on one favorite fantasy, feel free to recall as many as you like. You may have a wide variety of fantasies. If so, jot them down. The question about the climax of your fantasy is intended to help you identify the specific details that intensify your excitement. As you read on, try to keep an open mind.
You may not be accustomed to noticing the sexy images that flash through your mind. Like many people, you may not have detailed fantasies, just fragments of erotic thoughts that easily go unnoticed. Be patient and self- accepting. In fact, one of your motivations for reading this book may be to understand or to resolve your own sexual concerns or those of someone you love. I bring this up now because you need to be aware that in the five chapters of Part I our goal is to unravel some of the mysteries of the erotic mind. This is a different approach from the one most books about sex follow.
I can assure you that your patience will pay off. Think of them using two seemingly mismatched metaphors. Peak turn-ons are precious jewels. To fully appreciate their glittering facets, it is necessary to gaze at them from different angles. Yet peak experiences are also onionlike. As each layer is peeled away you uncover additional information not visible on the surface. All reminiscences, sexual or otherwise, are shaped by the way your memory sorts and stores information.
Which specific situational details contributed to your arousal? Record your observations in your journal. Next note the specific details that stand out in your favorite fantasies. By contrast, in fantasy you select and control all the exciting events. In the realm of the erotic imagination you are the creator as well as the director, with the power to make everything turn out exactly as you wish. After all, few things in life are more personal than sexual excitation.
Similarly, when your expectations and routines are shaken by a surprise, you also tend to take notice. Even when the encounter is desired and basically positive, her enthusiasm may be tempered by a sense of loss. Despite these differences in how men and women feel about sexual initiation, among The Group neither gender is inclined to report its first sexual encounters as peaks, with the exception of a few people whose sexual initiation coincided with falling in love.
Other firsts, however—such as initial encounters with new partners, experiments with new sexual activities, or encounters in new settings—are mentioned regularly. Women in The Group often recall the first time that sex was truly satisfying for them or the first time they experienced an orgasm with a partner. Darlene, a thirty-nine-year- old respiratory therapist, tells what happened to her only a few years ago: I had fallen in love with my best friend.
All the while I was pessimistic. I was so overcome with happiness when he said he was falling for me too. Soon we were making love. Usually after fifteen or twenty minutes of some guy pumping up and down, I would fake an orgasm just to get it over with. But after only a few strokes I was coming! I had three orgasms that night.
He just naturally did things that drove me crazy. Megan, a young college student, surprises herself—and her grateful partner—when she opens the door, nervously at first, to a new source of pleasure: My boyfriend had often asked me if I would give him a blow job.
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We were in my bedroom when I surrendered to my curiosity. He was very loving and patient as he guided me. He showed me exactly where it felt best, almost like an anatomy class. He let me experiment on him with my lips and tongue. His moans told me I was on the right track. I felt adventurous and—it was weird—kind of in control. But notice the necessary conditions: 1 she decides when the time is right, and 2 her patient partner helps her establish safety so that 3 she can transform her nervousness into an arousal enhancer.
Another type of surprise occurs when familiar people behave in unfamiliar ways. Manuel tells of an unexpected conclusion to what appeared to be a colorless day: I was hanging out with my girlfriend. Nothing much was happening—a little shopping, visiting a couple of friends. We were bored as shit to put it bluntly. Finally we gave up and went back to her place. Another Saturday night watching TV. I needed a hot shower to give me a lift.
Just as I was soaping up I heard the bathroom door squeak. Suddenly her hand came through the shower curtain, she grabbed the soap out of my hand and jumped in with me. Her aggressiveness blew me away—but I liked it. She got on her knees and soaped up my dick. It was as if she had studied how I masturbate even though she never saw me do it and added her own special touches. Was this my Angela? She brought me to a peak of ecstasy like never before. My orgasm was an explosion. We continued our adventures in bed for a couple more hours.
Boredom was a thing of the past. For Manuel, the foreground his intense excitement stands out in bold relief against a background of boredom and low expectations. In fact, The Group only brings up the topic of expectations in their tales of peak sex when those expectations are being joyously shattered by a welcome surprise. In the coming chapters we will often be reminded that peak encounters share many features with memorable fantasies.
What shall we conclude from this? Favorite fantasies, on the other hand, cover familiar territory. Through repeated experimentation we refine them so that they express, in the shorthand of imagery, the essential elements needed for arousal. Not surprisingly, many of these encounters take place on vacation. Such encounters can also unfold much closer to home, as in the case of Trevor, a gay man in his late thirties: His name was Eric and he was extremely attractive to me, with a firm, slightly developed body. He was the absolute best hugger.
My body came alive when he wrapped me up in his arms. I especially enjoyed kissing him, his lips so soft as he kissed me in return. I remember gazing deep into his eyes while he fucked me as I sat on top of him. Our motions were in perfect harmony. It was easy handling him inside me. I was totally amazed by it ah and kept staring at him and his beautiful body, wondering if it was ah a dream.
His movements and thrusts when he came gave me an orgasm without any stimulation of my cock. I never saw Eric again. I often wonder what made that evening so unique. It was truly magical. In addition to its idyllic features, this story also has a poignant quality. A similar hint of wistful longing can often be perceived in tales of idyllic encounters.
They have a dreamlike, otherworldly quality that, by definition, is quite rare. I am lying in the sun, soaking up the warmth, with no clothes on and none with me. His body is in great shape. He is naked too. He swims over to my rock and climbs up. Slowly, passionately, he kisses me and then licks every part of my body, one by one. He lies down beside me and soon we make joyous love. We are free, incredibly sensuous and tender. Afterward I quietly swim off as he sleeps. I glance back for one last look at his moist body glistening in the sun.
Like Arlene, Luke enthusiastically dwells on the exquisite beauty of his ideal fantasy lover. I eagerly invite her in. Her waist is narrow, her hips wide and shapely. I watch her ass sway as she walks to my sofa. Long, auburn hair swoops down, partially covering the milky skin of her cleavage. I pull her closer still as she grabs my dick. I feel a shiver go through her body. I invite her to the bedroom and lift the gown over her head, revealing an even more incredible body than I expected. She rips off my shorts and we fall into bed, fucking with uncontrollable abandon.
She loves it when I plunge into her juicy pussy. Her reaction turns me on so much that I thrust faster and faster, coming, coming until I collapse on top of her, spent. After I calm down, I watch her slip into her gown, shake out her hair, and walk toward the door. Luke and Arlene both enjoy the surprise of a perfect stranger. But whereas her fantasy is steeped in romance, his is animated by unfettered lust. She surrounds herself with mountains, a lake, and a sun-drenched rock for a bed. His perfect lover simply arrives at the front door.
Although such differences between men and women are by no means universal, they are unmistakable. The ticking of the clock as time marches forward is an apt metaphor for the mundane repetitions that occupy so much of our lives. No wonder we normally lose all consciousness of time during fulfilling sex, except perhaps for a fleeting wish that this moment would never end. In some situations, however, an awareness of time actually contributes to the enjoyment.
Only highly significant activities command such attention. Lydia sings the praises of extended lovemaking when describing a particularly memorable encounter with Josie, her lesbian lover: Josie and I live such busy lives that we usually squeeze in some routine sex on the weekends. One Sunday I fully expected a typically brief lovemaking session. I knew things were going to be different when Josie spent a good twenty minutes lovingly licking each of my breasts. My excitement built so gradually that I went into an altered state of consciousness—as if each movement was acted out in slow motion.
Josie seemed to go into a similar state when I went down on her. Normally I get bored after a while, but that day I savored her cunt as if it were my last meal. And speaking of meals, we fixed a delicious lunch of cheese and fruit and crawled back into bed to eat it sensuously. We both had many orgasms that day, but I know mine were different than usual. We forgot about everything, focusing all of our energies on each other.
A desire so intense that it demands expression, even when there is insufficient time for it, demonstrates its compelling urgency. Norman recalls with enthusiasm one evening when he and his girlfriend were rushing to get ready for a concert: Tammy and I often disagree about who should initiate sex, when, how often, and how long it should last. But there have been several times when all that crap goes out the window.
Knowing that nothing will come of it I find it easier to be passionate, like one night when Tammy was dressing for the symphony. I rubbed her shoulders and she tried to push me away. All of a sudden she became like an animal. She grabbed me and kissed me deep and hard while I rubbed her clit and brought her to an orgasm in a minute or two —much faster than usual. Just a few strokes of my cock and I came too. Then we went flying out the door, laughing like lunatics. At the concert she told me there was lipstick smeared on my face.
Maslow noticed a curious phenomenon, difficult to explain or even describe, in his research on all kinds of peak experiences: pleasurable distortions of time and space. He made this observation: Not only does time pass in their ecstasies with a frightening rapidity so that a day may pass as if it were a minute, but also a minute so intensely lived may feel like a day or a year.
Knowledge of which memorability factors have contributed to your arousal in the past can help you cultivate conditions for more fulfilling sex now and in the future. For instance, passionate lovers who appreciate surprises become adept at deliberately breaking their sexual routines with playful experimentation. It also requires the ability to increase your capacity for being surprised. Zestful lovers allow themselves to be caught off-guard. Too many people also assume that they can only wait and hope for idyllic situations or partners to bring special excitement to their lives. Passionate lovers discover that lucky moments happen more frequently to those who consciously devise the necessary conditions.
And far more than we realize, the seemingly magical appearance of an ideal partner is a mixture of happenstance and a heightened readiness on the part of the beholder to perceive beauty. Likewise, those who have luxuriated in extended lovemaking or found a special charge in quick sex can learn to request and seize opportunities for similar satisfactions that might easily slip by. Who are these people? Are they similar to or different from your real-life partners? Luckily, in approximately 80 percent of their stories The Group does mention what kind of relationships they had with their partners.
Closer analysis reveals that both the gender and the sexual orientation of the storytellers affect the kinds of partners with whom they are likely to have peak sex. But the most important consideration of all is whether the partner or partners is a real person in an actual encounter or a fantasy partner. This does not necessarily mean that the men go outside their primary relationships for peak sex, although some do.
More common, they recall peak encounters that occurred before they met their current partners. A number of men and women report that their most memorable encounters occurred with people who later became their primary partners. During the early stages of such involvements the intensity of infatuation is normally at its highest. Women are almost twice as likely as men to mention that they feel romantically involved or in love with their partners in ecstasy 25 percent and 13 percent respectively.
Here is the first instance of this phenomenon: lesbians are the most likely of all subgroups to speak of love and romance, doing so in 36 percent of their encounters as compared with 26 percent for straight women. Straight men mention loving their partners in 11 percent of their peak encounters, while almost one- fifth of the gay and bisexual men enthusiastically express love. But here we see another great gender difference: men are almost twice as likely as women to describe very casual or anonymous encounters 30 percent and 16 percent respectively.
Reflecting this trend, the most likely of all subgroups to have anonymous encounters are bisexual men 50 percent and gay men 47 percent. At the other extreme, only 1 percent of the lesbians describe memorable sex with strangers or near-strangers. Matthew, a gay college administrator, describes a particularly successful three-way: I saw two male lovers at a nude beach and enjoyed attracting their attention by getting a hard-on and letting them see it. He had a thick, beautifully proportioned cock. Even when soft it swayed heavily and slapped from thigh to thigh as he walked.
Soon after we greeted he invited me to hang out with them. All afternoon we joked and flirted.
They were both extremely handsome. I was thrilled when they invited me to dinner. At their place we all took turns showering. When one of them was in the shower, the other would play with and suck my cock. They had been together five years and claimed this was their first three-way. Both turned out to be incredibly sexy. I could see into their bedroom from the kitchen as each dried off and stroked their hard dicks. By now the other one was feverishly jerking off. When we made it to the bedroom I was thrilled to watch them perform sixty- nine on each other —very hot.
I ended up fucking one lover as I was fucked by the other. Both men were warm, gentle, with great senses of humor. One also sang beautifully. They obviously loved each other. Our three-way never became competitive or tense—not even for a moment. Both were eager to please me, and I them. Bisexual women are the most likely of all to report peak encounters with multiple partners 25 percent , and bisexual men run a close second 20 percent. At first I was reluctant because I feared the scene would be much too sleazy for my tastes. Being a great salesman, Rob emphasized the fact that my previous lover was a woman and that I might enjoy watching both sexes getting it on.
The party was at a beautiful home with a large pool and hot tub. The people were intelligent and friendly. Other than the nude sunbathing it was no different than any other party. Rob was right, I certainly did enjoy gazing at the wonderful collection of bodies. After the sun went down the atmosphere became more sexual. Some people went inside, apparently to have sex in one of the many bedrooms.
Rob and I joined the group in the hot tub. As we loosened up, people began massaging each other. One woman was sitting on the edge when another woman went down on her. When I turned around his face told me he was about to come. He did and several people cheered. I was a little jealous but incredibly turned on.
Over the next few hours, we put the lounge cushions on the deck around the tub so we had a choice of comfortable positions. I especially enjoyed being touched by Rob and a beautiful young woman at the same time. It was all so friendly and warm and fun—not at all like my idea of an orgy. Although he denies it, I think Rob was more jealous than I because he never mentions trying it again.
Matthew and Ginny are among the relatively few members of The Group who describe group sex encounters as their most memorable. These encounters are fraught with potential problems and are much more difficult to arrange than the more common one-on-one variety. Typically one partner is more interested in a multiple-partner adventure, which can result in arguments. Once partners do agree on a three-way or group sex scene, somebody often feels left out or jealous.
And what are the odds of three or more people having compatible sexual desires? All of these complications vanish, however, in the realm of the erotic imagination. Fantasies involving multiple partners are the most popular of all among The Group as a whole. Just as they are the most likely to have multiple partners in real life, bisexuals are the most drawn to fantasies of multiple partners 60 percent of bisexual men and 75 percent of bisexual women.
But more than a quarter of all women—even a third of the lesbians—say their favorite fantasies involve two or more partners. The same thing is true for 43 percent of the men. One finding may surprise you as it did me. Whereas almost one-fifth of gay men enjoy multiple sex in their memorable encounters, they are the least likely subgroup to include multiple partners in their favorite fantasies only 11 percent. The best explanation I can offer is that virtually any gay man who wants to try group sex or a three-way can find opportunities to do so, particularly in urban areas.
These activities were especially widespread in the freewheeling days before the AIDS epidemic. It appears that real-life experiences with multiple partners reduce their allure in fantasy. What is the meaning of the special appeal that multiple-partner fantasies hold for so many men and women? But what about women? Their most popular form of erotica—the romance novel—virtually never includes multiple partners. With rare exceptions, such as when three people fall in love with one another, multiple partners do not easily fit the romantic ideal.
Fantasies involving more than one partner typically have a purely lustful quality. The fantasizer is virtually always the focal point of such scenarios. The role of both partners is to respond to every whim of the fantasizer and in doing so to affirm his or her irresistability.
In addition, the fantasizer is always in control, whether he or she chooses to dominate, to submit, or prefers to watch the partners put on a show as they have sex with each other. I believe the most important attraction of three-ways is their ability to amplify whichever characteristics turn the fantasizer on. Typically, both partners are of the same gender and thus provide a double dose of maleness or femaleness. Consequently, straight women and gay men usually imagine two or more men, whereas straight men and lesbians gravitate toward two women. Not surprisingly, bisexuals sometimes enjoy the presence of both genders, but many prefer to take advantage of the amplification effect by fantasizing about two men or two women, depending on their inclination at the moment.
Second only to the popularity of multiple partners in favorite fantasies are very casual or anonymous partners. Among most of the subgroups, regardless of gender, 20 to 24 percent of their favorite fantasies involve sexy strangers or casual, chance meetings. Bisexual men have the most fantasies of anonymous sex 40 percent and lesbians have the fewest 17 percent. In real-life encounters most women want some link between sex and feelings of emotional connection, as compared with a significant number of men who do not necessarily require or even want such a connection.
However, this distinction almost completely disappears in fantasy. It is a dramatic reminder that in the realm of the erotic imagination we are frequently exempt from the values and preferences that guide our actual behavior. In only 12 percent of cases does The Group select fantasy partners with whom they have any real involvement beyond their fantasies, whether as dates, boyfriends or girlfriends, or primary partners.
An even greater gender difference appears in regard to being infatuated or in love with their fantasy partners. Women mention feelings of love more than three times more frequently than men 14 percent and 4 percent respectively. And once again, lesbians are the most likely 17 percent to mention loving their fantasy partners. This brief overview of the kinds and numbers of partners involved in peak encounters and fantasies underscores how frequently highly arousing experiences deviate from the norms and ideals with which most of us are raised.
How often have we read or been told that sex is best with a loving partner? Particularly in the realm of fantasy, the erotic mind claims for itself a wide zone of freedom from social conventions. The deeper, more complex dimensions of peak erotic events will occupy our attention in the coming chapters. If you have not yet started writing, why not begin now by responding to the SES or starting an erotic journal or both? If you become a participating observer rather than a detached one, your discoveries will be much more likely to enrich you.
This idea may have sounded reasonable enough, although perhaps a bit abstract. Think back over the peak encounters and fantasies you have remembered so far. Have you noticed anything that you felt inclined to judge? Avoid the circular trap of judging yourself for being judgmental. As your awareness of judgments increases, so too will your ability to set them aside. You may have found some of them a bit kinky.
Pretending to be open-minded is of little use. Jot down how you feel in your journal. When you come across a story that stimulates a particularly strong reaction, ask yourself how you might feel about the story if you approached it with an attitude of neutral curiosity.
This discrepancy raises important questions: What is the relationship between peak arousal and the regular, everyday kind? Does studying particularly exciting sex help us produce additional satisfying experiences, or is there a danger that we might end up feeling disappointed with simpler, less earthshaking pleasures?
How unfortunate if we use the perfection of our best experiences to devalue more mundane sex.
Sex therapists regularly see clients who have converted moments of special pleasure into sources of disappointment and frustration by using them to create higher standards and, in turn, greater pressures to perform. Tragically, they have turned the beauty of their peaks into painful reminders of their inadequacy. What is the alternative? Peak turn-ons bestow their gifts most generously when each is recognized as one-of-a-kind. All peak experiences spring from total involvement in the moment, which is lost if you split your attention by comparing one moment to another.
However, when you savor each magical memory on its own terms, your recollections help you to become more fully available for a wider variety peak erotic experiences. In the latter part of the s my professional interests and personal struggles coincided as never before. On the personal side I had just extricated myself from the most painful yet sexually exhilarating relationship of my life. At one moment we would be lost in passion. Then, without warning, my lover would vanish, apparently overwhelmed by our closeness.
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